my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
