I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
