Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
