I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
