i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
