pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
