Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
