so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
