I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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