And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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