____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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