Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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