All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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