i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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