There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
