hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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