I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
