Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
