Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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