My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
