I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
