kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
