Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
