This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
