I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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