You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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