I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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