Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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