aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
