If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
