Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
