I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
