pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
