This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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