Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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