I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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