i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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