i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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