i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
