He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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