If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
