kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
