I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
