And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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