The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
