My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
