I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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