totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
