he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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