How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
