I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
