I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
