I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
love makes seman taste better
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
