You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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