hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
