U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
